She bites her lip and reaches out to still his hands. ”There was a lot of time I spent feeling basically worthless because of the way my parents treated me—second best. I was always second best to my sister. I know I haven’t really mentioned her, but it’s not like she really came up.” She shrugs emptily. He’s still not really looking at her and she isn’t sure what to make of that. She tucks her feet up underneath her on the couch and turns to face him. She’s barely been at the apartment long enough she’s taken her shoes off; she hates the feeling that her drama is taking over Kurt’s home and Kurt’s life. She manages to shrug that feeling off as well with the empty shoulder movement and continues, her hands over his guitar string-roughened ones, hoping she can make him understand.
“The one thing she couldn’t do to win my dad’s approval was get accepted to an Ivy. So I did it. I got accepted to Yale, early decision, before I ever ran into you at a party.” She looks away, letting a little bit of a laugh creep into her voice. ”It wasn’t necessarily what I wanted to do; I didn’t know what I wanted to do even before I got pregnant. But then they kicked me out and everything happened so fast. I almost forgot about it altogether. The date to enroll and accept my admission is right after the band contest, so I just set it aside until I knew what was going to happen there. My parents don’t know. Santana doesn’t even know I applied. I didn’t tell anyone; it’s not just you.”
“I’m so used to not being able to count on anyone,” she admits, finally looking right at him. ”I’ve never been emotionally dependent on anyone—except maybe Kurt now. I’m terrible about admitting how I feel.” She blows out a long breath. ”I’m scared of everything right now and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. So I may take the chance to run away from everything I’m afraid of and hopefully to find a fresh start.” She hates the tear that escapes and slides down her cheek, feels like it’s a sign of weakness she can’t afford because she’s already lost so much today. She pulls her hand away from him to swipe it off her skin. ”I don’t have to be there until school starts at the end of August though, so I have some time to kill.”
Second best? Quinn?Those words didn’t go together in Puck’s mind. He couldn’t look at her. He couldn’t allow her to see the pain he was going through. He just couldn’t. When she turns to face him that’s when he looked up, into her beautiful hazel eyes. Feeling her touch was the best feeling in the world. Even if it wasn’t much, Puck loved being there for her an being able to hold her hand. He just loved her in general. Even though he’s mainly the reason why she’s where she’s at today. He got her pregnant and that’s something he’ll never forgive himself for.
He nods his head slowly to show her he’s listening and understand’s what she’s going through. He’s never really talked this deeply with Quinn before. “And yet I fucked up again. Quinn you would’ve gone so many places have you not met me. You wouldnt’ve gotten pregnant, you would have somesort of relationship with your parents..” His voice breaks as he says the last phrase. “I’m a fuck up. I don’t even know where to begin…I’m so sorry, Q.” He says, looking up into her eyes yet again. Even though he knew Quinn and he knew this wasn’t a big “feel-bad-for-me” speech, it still managed to make him feel like complete shit. At this time he felt worthless. He didn’t know what to give her as an apology gift but he knew he had to give her something. She’s been suffering for so long because of him and he didn’t think it hurt her that much until he hears her speak those words. Those words that broke his heart.
“I know I’m not the best dude to come to advice for,” He lets out a chuckle, “But I’m here for you. You can tell me things and you can definitely count on me. I love listening to your problems and trying to help you in every way possible, Q. Make’s me feel happy when you’re happy.” He lets out a small smirk through his sadness. When he sees that tear, he quickly releases his hands from hers and puts his two arms around her waist, pulling her into a hug. “I’m gonna miss you, You know? We’ll still talk, right?” He can’t imagine how childish he sounded right now. But he had to make sure whatever relationship he has with Quinn isn’t gonna end just because she’s going to Yale.